[ books ] book love

I wrote this back in July.

by Heather Mac

I want to lay down and stay there.
To just waste away.
Drift away.


From somewhere above, I would watch myself fall apart.
Slowly, from head down to toes,
my body turns to dust
in brilliant sci-fi special effects
and the dust that used to be my body
floats off on the wind
to parts unknown.

From somewhere above
where my body used to be,
I look at the dust, now barely visible
as it dissipates
and is carried into the distance,
and wonder where the fuck my peaceful oblivion is.
geek, nerd, sexy

(no subject)

Like the bird who refsed to fly because he was always to afraid to fall

He sat in the nest for many winters keeping his fear and shyness to himself

Then one day he spread his wings among the icy wind and felt himself soar

and after as he saw himself plumet to the ground

his fianal thouught was that he was greatful to have seen the world

Drink Me

Chain Link Fence

I walk down the sidewalk
Running my fingers
Along the chain link fence
That separates me from
The rest of humanity.
As I meander slowly
Down the twisting path
My fingers feel the space
And void that make up
The boundary of my life.
Taking my hand from
The fence as I turn back
I feel a tingling numbness
That travels up my arm
And into my heart.
It sits there in my core
Humming to itself
As I pace back up
To where I have been
So many times before.
The potential energy
Slowly calms my thoughts
Until I reach a state of
Uncaring awareness.
This state brings forth
A gate in the fence
Where none had been
When I had traveled
This way previously.
I study the gate with
A sense of curiosity
As if I were the tarot’s
Wise Fool who cares for
Nothing but knowledge.
I open the gate slowly
And stare at what lies
Beyond what I have known
For all of my life.
It is intriguing to see things
Without the bars of my fence
But I know instinctually
That freedom is not always
What it seems.
I turn and begin to walk
Down my path once more
Leaving the gate of possibility
Still open behind me as
I want only to feel
My fingers running along
The chain link fence.
Space and void work together
To bring safety and the state
Of uncaring awareness
That settles in my heart.

02, 2009

(no subject)

These tears burn my bloodstained eyes, they sting as if poison

was running through my veins, they crawl their way out desperately seeking

relief, knowing very well i wont and can not let them out, all my hurt will not

be found these tears hold secrets i will never let go of, they hide what i can not

bare to know, they hurt me, cut me deep within my soul, these tears hold my

walls, they hide what I wont let out, these tears follow no path, yet they

stay inside, never getting free, they have no direction home, they burn

me telling me I should let go, how can i possibly let go, when all my hurt can not

be found? if you saw my tears what would you do? what would you say?

these tears seek no one, only the eye of you, they would crumble under your

watchful eye, the would show no mercy to-wards you, they would let you feel

the burden I feel each day, they would murder you with all the secrets that

they hold, these tears would blow you to pieces, they'd warp your twisted little

mind, these tears will forever remain hidden from the world, these tears will

never have relief until you decide to give in....
  • Current Music
    Van Nuys

Story of My Life

I sit in my corner
with no light to see
blood pouring to the floor
tears running down my face
not knowing what to do

i will show you how i feel
with every cut on my wrist
i will write you a poem
telling you how much pain i am in

my thoughts are being rampaged
with thoughts of suicide
with memoriesof my childhood
screams and tears coming from no where

you don’t understand
all this pain and blood
all these things
that come into my life

you will never see
because my fear of you
you don’t see the real me
because i am afraid of what you’ll say
call me names, put me down
what am i suppose to say

now tell me
are you scared
to see the real me
cuts and marks on my arms
probably, right
but whatever
i am not going to show

every word that you say
stings like knives in my eyes
and when the tears run down my face
my mind goes away

to end this story of my life
i sit back in the corner
and let the rain
take away the tears and blood
trying not to close my eyes
for i know they won’t open
my life is being sucked
from every blood that drops
not fighting, my eyes close and
i let my life go away

  • Current Mood
Drink Me

(no subject)


Be a turtle
Curl up in your shell
And wait it out
My shell is hard
My skin is though
Words do not harm me
Nothing can enter
Nothing can touch me
In my shell
Curled up
I am safe from it all
Removed from the danger
Time passes quietly
Until it is safe
To emerge again

~Nov. 2008

-My Barrier-

My barrier is
Thin as melted
Sugar which has
My energy
Sapped from me
By the pain
Bombarding me
From all sides
Cry a river
Scream out loud
But do not
Shatter the barrier
That protects
As much as it harms

~Nov. 2008
Laid Back

While We're On the Subject

Here's one of mine.

Fair Warning
You approach me with a trusting smile
Another pretty savior with lusting eyes
You tell me I've hooked up with the wrong men
That you appreciate me.
Be careful when you extend
That smooth scholar's hand to me.
The she-wolf in my heart has been starving
All her life.
Given half a chance, she swallow you up.
When I tell you this, you blink, laugh nervously
Then you invite me home for dinner!
Very well.  I warned you.
Come to me, my dear.
-Kathleen Wood, 1987-
Copywright 1988, All rights reserved
  • Current Music
    "China Girl" David Bowie

Written Heart

There are no words to
Line this hallway of
Shattered inspiration
All taken in a violent
Immensely bloody disarray
It seemed to be
A bystanders’ game
Killing off aspects of
Who held the path
True and dear
If the path was clear
Nothing would feel just
Turn back air
Speeches and pretty lies
Cannot repair the lack
Of words as the hallway
Can only bear truths
Put forth by the
Purely fragmented heart
That never seems to beat
Or long for love anymore
Learn to lay down
The world of written words
Again to find the whole heart
At the end 

N.L.R. -- Sept. 2, 2008